29 August 2014

Halfway There

Sorry for my silence. The past several months have truly been overwhelmingly unnerving. Since my PCOS diagnosis last year, I have resigned myself to a quiet, childless life. I've already made peace about the fact that it's just going to be us two, living a life of reckless abandon. So when in May, we found out that we're "unexpectedly" expecting, our world completely turned upside down. If not for the constant kicking and squirming around inside me, I still find it very hard to believe I'm pregnant. It has been an exhausting, terrifying, exciting 20 weeks. I try not to but still I worry I'd inadvertently do something that would harm the baby. I'm suddenly terrified of everything - things I can control, even those I can't. I sometimes work myself up into a frenzy thinking about the million things that could go wrong. I know all this stress is not doing me any good but I can't help it. I am a negative person. I'm just hardwired that way. So far, my baby boy has a strong heartbeat, he moves around a lot, especially every time I play him Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star or when Ron reads him stories - wiggles around like a maniac! Despite all my pessimism, his punches and kicks never fail to put a smile on my face. I have a living, breathing, little person inside me and the fact that I am his whole world is just awesome. 
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